it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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