$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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