I need help removing her.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
