i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my sisters under your porch take her home
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
