I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
