I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My room smells like vodka and shame
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
