i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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