I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
do nipples grow back?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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