Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize