I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
