youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
