I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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