Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize