I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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