i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
