Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
