I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
