David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
