i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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