There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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