dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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