I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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