I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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