I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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