I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
