I puked a lego.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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