I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
