is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
