get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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