Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize