I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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