two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
