yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
