dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
