PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
