I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
