She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
