some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
