Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
