I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
