There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize