Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
nutella sex= disaster
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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