I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
