Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I think I am morally bankrupt
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
