4 words: hood of his car
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
