if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
