I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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