made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
