Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
