I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
