probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
