from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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