I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
