I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
