DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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