I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
