so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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