Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
