They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
