I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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