Already got asked if we're dating
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
