He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
