Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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