I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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