Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
