I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
