She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
we're chasing vodka with high fives
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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