they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
