: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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