i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
