Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
