never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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