I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
