I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
