so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
false alarm. still invincible.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
