I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
