he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
