i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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