Have you finally orgasmed yet?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
