Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
