Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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