if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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