Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
