The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
