I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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