Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She bit a glass in half.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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