He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize