The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize