i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize