How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
