Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
