Christians are straight up FREAKS
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
