Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize