just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
