I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
