i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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