I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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